Stuffing yourself with Christmas stuffing

It’s the holiday season, so when you turn your TV on or go through the papers, what do you see? Golden roasted turkeys, apple and berry buck’s fizz, sherry cream mince pies, honey mustard party sausages, lamb guards of honour with a mustard and herb crust—it’s enough to make you short a circuit by drooling all over your computer. This relentless food-taunting has one ultimate purpose: convincing you to eat Christmas dinner.

The tradition of Christmas Dinner seems like the only time this skinny-obsessed society indulges in an orgy of food. If you decide to participate, you can be as easygoing or industrious as you like; Sainsbury’s and the local pub both offer Christmas fare, but you can always try to invite yourself to your English friend’s family dinner—odds are, mentioning your pitiful foray into online grocery shopping will guarantee an invitation. Just don’t get your timing wrong; the meal is usually eaten at midday.

If you happened to be on a diet before reading this article’s first paragraph, don’t fret—history will back you all the way if you decide to put on a few extra kilos this Christmas. The Christmas Feast for King John of England, circa 1213, consisted of 3000 capons (roosters), 1000 salted eels, 400 hogs, 100 pounds of almonds and 24 casks of wine. That guy knew how to celebrate.

The British touch to this festivity is the crackers—hollow cardboard tubes wrapped in bright paper. Two people pull the ends, there’s a bang, and then surprise: out fall the goodies. Most people end up with colourful party crowns on their heads.

Once the food is cleared, it seems most British families watch the live broadcast of the traditional Queen’s Speech and play board games. I somehow doubt they would want to play a football match.

If, after your midday dinner, a bit of wine has gone to your head, don’t suppress the urge to sing a few Christmas Carols—others are sure to join in.

So wherever your are on the 25th of December, The First Pint wishes you a hearty meal and a good time.