Apartment horror and hilarity – squirrel attack!
They're out to get you. Photo Credit: Maja Kucova
I do not like squirrels. It’s been over a year since a squirrel broke into my apartment and wreaked squirrel havoc on my belongings. Specifically, it streaked dirt all over my kitchen floor, peed in my flatmate’s oatmeal, and chewed on several cardboard boxes.
It also took a fancy to animal crackers. I found the bag slashed open and nearly empty. And I found the crackers…everywhere. Under the cushions. Under the rug. Under the couch slipcover. Under the tablecloth. UNDER MY DUVET.
The squirrel attack happened while my flatmate and I were away for our winter holidays. When I returned, strangely enough, the first thing I discovered was the crackers. They were placed so bizarrely around the apartment that I wondered, for more than a second, if a ghost had paid us a visit. Then I noticed the kitchen. It wasn’t until days later that we deduced it was a squirrel that broke into our place and, dare I say, squirreled away the crackers. By that time we had cleaned everything, but the thought of a squirrel squirming around under my sheets had me sleeping very uncomfortably for a bit.
Because let’s face it—people think squirrels are cute and cuddly and rabies-free. But in truth they are vile, detestable creatures that play in trash cans and snack on refuse (they really are immune to rabies, though).
It’s for this and many other reasons that Dug the dog is our favorite character in Pixar’s “Up.” Dug says, “Hey, I know a joke! A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, ‘I forgot to store acorns for the winter and now I am dead.’ Ha! It is funny because the squirrel gets dead.” And my flatmate and I laugh. Oh so cruelly.
Our squirrel saga finally came to an end with the help of a “live trap,” lent to us by our maintenance man. He lived out in the countryside, and his grandchildren enjoyed shooting squirrels with their BB guns, so he wanted us to catch the squirrel but let him take it home alive. So we did. What lured the squirrel into the trap, you might ask (aside from us placing it right at the cheeky bugger’s entrance into our flat)? Peanut butter.
Cardboard, animal crackers, and peanut butter? I guess squirrels don’t bother with acorns anymore. Too bad for Dug.
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What a great story. It made me laugh.
Did you know that if a squirrel bites you, the wound goes septic within minutes as they carry so many germs and bacteria in their mouths?
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