Dr. Strangelove: A moment’s hesitation, hours of regret

I’ve done it again. Even though it was never my intention, I think I’ve just become a creep. At first I was just checking her out, but now I’m just creepy. Too bad, but let me explain how this happens:

You go into a bar feeling like a million bucks (or maybe it’s quid here in the UK). Casually gliding over to the bar and with your first drink in hand, you start scanning across the room. Then there she is, sitting in a booth across the bar, the love of your life, or at least the love of your night. You stop the scanning and hone in on your ‘target’.

The creepy stare. Photo credit: Braden Kowitz

Then out of nowhere, and without any warning, she looks back at you, and she even has a smile on her face. The situation just got real—how are you supposed to deal with that? All that confidence you had a second ago has started to waver and for a second all you can do is smile awkwardly and look away.

Don’t worry you think, you’re still good, she probably thought you were cute looking all embarrassed. But what now, you can’t just be cute, you have to act, be assertive, or at least do something. You realize you should have thought of an opener before going out tonight. You can’t just boost your ego by listening to James Brown and R. Kelly.

Do you just go up there and introduce yourself? No that’s too boring.

Do you send her a drink? Come on, show some originality.

Do you ask her to dance? Well that would be cool, if you had any moves sonny.

This is getting bad, confidence level at an all time low and you realise you’ve spent way too much time thinking about it.

You look back at her and she’s still smiling. Now you really have to do something about it, and you know she’s expecting you to. So you concentrate all your thoughts on the mission at hand. You’re in Zen mode and things start becoming clear. It’s simple, really; you just go over there and talk to the girl.

There’s only one detail that you neglected to take into account. As you entered Zen mode you forgot to take your eyes off her. So when all your thoughts disappeared into your head, leaving you with nothing but a vacant stare, that stare was directed at her. A stare is never cute.

As you regain your senses you see her leaning over to her friend and tell her something, a moment later her friend turns to examine you and you know it’s all downhill from here.

Well that’s that then really. You’ve might as well go home. You have now been labeled as a creep and there is simply no way you’re going to get rid of that, all because you didn’t show up prepared. You could go and try to get a number, but it’s not going to be hers.

Before signing off I would just like to tell all the girls who’ve been the victim of being ogled by some weirdo from across the room that most of us are actually pretty cool. Sorry for making you feel uncomfortable though.

Well anyway, there’s always next time.