Dancing or grinding? A night out's dilemma. Photo Credit: mangpages

You’re at a club scanning the crowd; the music sounds great, the beat is riding through the air causing you to bounce along with it. Tonight feels like an epic night. As you look down the bar you notice a really hot girl, you catch each other’s eyes and without a moment’s hesitation you walk over. Mustering your courage with each step, you make your way through the masses. Sometimes there are times when you feel bold enough to dance with a stranger and this is one of those nights.

You nod and signal that you should dance out on the floor, she agrees and you set off, holding hands. You don’t know where things are headed but this really chill person wants to dance, so for a little while the world seems to be on your side. As you both weave through the crowd of random gyrating couples, you start to get into the groove. But to your surprise she backs into you and like some sort of robot she starts to writhe methodically. You didn’t expect it - but who are you to deny this lovely lady from giving you an awesome standing lap dance?

So letting your libido get the best of you, you go along with it. Your ‘dancing’ continues to be the same with each song with a few variations such as ‘grind in center of dance floor’, ‘grind against wall’, and your personal favorite, ‘grind against other people grinding’. It hasn’t been too bad since the music has been constant but now the beat is changing and things are starting to look a little ridiculous. People are dancing wildly and having fun, but you’re still grinding – or rather, she’s still grinding on you. What’s the matter with this picture?

People are giving you weird looks and girls who might have danced with you earlier are definitely reconsidering their opinions. You whisper in her ear to make sure she’s not deaf, “Do you like this song?” She nods and continues re-enacting her favorite strip tease on your leg. You try a new approach, take charge and change the dance style: time to whip out the “funny/cute” dance moves. This causes her to turn around and give you a confused look.  “Why are you doing it like that?” she says.  “I’m just having fun,” you reply. “Don’t you want to dance?” she says while glaring at you. “At some point, that would be nice,” you blurt. After you say that, she’s pretty much done with you, leaving you wondering: when did grinding take the place of actual dancing?

Don’t get me wrong, grinding can have its place on some dance floors, but ladies and gents, grinding should never be your default dance move. You’ve got to be willing to try other things, don’t think all people want to do it, or even see it. Personally I believe dancing is supposed to be a way for two (consenting) adults to get a sense of each other’s rhythm, test each other’s sense of humor, or just have a moment. I, for one, think that dancing should be considered social foreplay, not actual foreplay. So next time you decide to get serious (or for some people, REALLY serious) on the dance floor, please do some of us a favor, try to keep it in a shady corner? Thanks.

Read more from The First Pint, the international's guide to all that London offers.

You go into a bar feeling like a million bucks (or maybe it’s quid here in the UK). Casually gliding over to the bar and with your first drink in hand, you start scanning across the room. Then there she is, sitting in a booth across the bar, the love of your life, or at least the love of your night. You stop the scanning and hone in on your ‘target’.

The creepy stare. Photo credit: Braden Kowitz

Then out of nowhere, and without any warning, she looks back at you, and she even has a smile on her face. The situation just got real—how are you supposed to deal with that? All that confidence you had a second ago has started to waver and for a second all you can do is smile awkwardly and look away.

Don’t worry you think, you’re still good, she probably thought you were cute looking all embarrassed. But what now, you can’t just be cute, you have to act, be assertive, or at least do something. You realize you should have thought of an opener before going out tonight. You can’t just boost your ego by listening to James Brown and R. Kelly.

Do you just go up there and introduce yourself? No that’s too boring.

Do you send her a drink? Come on, show some originality.

Do you ask her to dance? Well that would be cool, if you had any moves sonny.

This is getting bad, confidence level at an all time low and you realise you’ve spent way too much time thinking about it.

You look back at her and she’s still smiling. Now you really have to do something about it, and you know she’s expecting you to. So you concentrate all your thoughts on the mission at hand. You’re in Zen mode and things start becoming clear. It’s simple, really; you just go over there and talk to the girl.

There’s only one detail that you neglected to take into account. As you entered Zen mode you forgot to take your eyes off her. So when all your thoughts disappeared into your head, leaving you with nothing but a vacant stare, that stare was directed at her. A stare is never cute.

As you regain your senses you see her leaning over to her friend and tell her something, a moment later her friend turns to examine you and you know it’s all downhill from here.

Well that’s that then really. You’ve might as well go home. You have now been labeled as a creep and there is simply no way you’re going to get rid of that, all because you didn’t show up prepared. You could go and try to get a number, but it’s not going to be hers.

Before signing off I would just like to tell all the girls who’ve been the victim of being ogled by some weirdo from across the room that most of us are actually pretty cool. Sorry for making you feel uncomfortable though.

Well anyway, there’s always next time.

Read more from The First Pint, the international's guide to all that London offers.