The Chap Olympiad, a return to the UK's elegant past? Photo credit: Maja Kucova

We Russians, angry or not, have a rather funny perception of England and its dwellers. It’s largely formed of 19th and early 20th century novels – Dickens, PG Wodehouse, Agatha Christie etc, all widely available in the USSR in superbly done translations by some of the best Soviet writers and poets – and the classic screen version of Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes series.The latter is so great that Her Majesty herself bestowed an OBE on the leading actor, Vassily Livanov. And all the while the Soviet-British relations were neutral at best.

But we somehow insisted on thinking of England as of some retro-themed fantasy land stuck in the times when everybody was buttoned up and mannered and calmly humorous whatever the circumstances. This notion is, of course, centennially away from the current state of affairs. I’m running a Russian-language blog about Britain and London as a separate country within her and it’s moderately popular (about fifteen hundred subscribers at the time of writing). But what really pushed my blog upward in the ratings was the translation of an old article from The eXile, undoubtedly the best and sincerest newspaper in Moscow which owed its glorious existence to the sole fact that no one at the Russian Minitruth at the time could read a word of English (for a story of The eXile as concise as practically possible see this article from Vanity Fair. It was about chavs, the English counterpart of Russian gopniks, the kind of proletarian youth that wears tracksuits with massive junk jewellery, binges on cheap liquor and pollutes the gene pool by means of rapid and almost instinctual procreation. 

So the chav story became an instant hit on the Russian internet, having been reposted at least two hundred times so far. Almost everybody’s image of Britain seemed to have been hopelessly shattered. Could it really be Sherlock Holmes’s grandkids or the Hugh Grants of the world who are pissing on walls after downing six super strong lagers at a children’s playground? I almost felt a collective sigh of relief. We (Russians, internationals, whatever) aren’t that different from the rest of the “civilised world” after all. Others (mostly those who have never been in England or at all abroad) were utterly disappointed and really angry at me for ruining their dream.

Created with Admarket’s flickrSLiDR. Photo credit: Maja Kucova

Rekindling a Chap’s dream

But alas, not too much is lost, apparently, thanks to a wonderful thing called The Chap Olympiad. It’s run by a magazine appropriately titled The Chap which is all about fancy retro dressing, fabulous moustaches, shaving with razor blades and smoking pipes. So the Chap Olympiad at Bedford Square on Saturday was like being in a park full of Bertie Woosters and Pauline Stokers. In fact, I looked quite out of place in my dull plain clothes and not in an impeccably stylish tweed suit.  It’s funny because there’s no aristocracy in modern Britain to speak of, and most of these people are common office clerks in their normal, non-retro mode, but it still all looked incredibly organic. It’s probably some kind of a genetic memory, because when a Russian holds a Victorian-themed party, everybody ends up looking like a constipated Dracula. And if it weren’t for party spoilers like me and a couple of other journalists in crumpled jeans, you could really forget that you were indeed in 2010.

Anyway, the Olympiad part consisted of silly but quite fun “competitions” like bicycle jousting with umbrellas for lances or moustache tug war, but most people seemed to be more interested in a beautiful weather and a good opportunity for a picnic. The only things that were sort of disappointing were the low turnout of the barbeque stall and one lady who knocked over my gin and tonic and didn’t even offer to buy me a new one. I mean, that happens all the time, but probably wouldn’t in the fancy era they all pretended to live in. I will definitely go again, but not without proper preparation this time.

Avenue Q is at Wyndham's Theatre in Charing Cross. Photo credit: AndyRob/Flickr

“If you have to watch a musical you might as well watch Avenue Q”. Praise indeed from a theatre hating friend of mine who had recently seen the musical comedy at West End’s Wyndham’s Theatre. The show, which first hit the stage in 2003, tells the story of Princeton, a newly graduated twenty-something puppet who embarks on his new life away from home.

I had been promised the production would include plenty of lewd jokes and I had not been lied to. The show starts with the protagonist’s amusing but rather tame rendition of “What do you do with a BA in English” before coming into its stride with “It sucks to be me”. During the song the characters all moan about why their lives are terrible before they are all trumped by former child actor Gary Coleman and all agree that it does suck to be him.

The inclusion of the recently deceased Gary Coleman in the play has been a source of controversy. The creator’s of Avenue Q claim the former child star is the personification of the show’s themes, namely children being led to believe they are special and growing up to find life is not that simple. Coleman, who died in 2010, once said of the production; “I wish there was a lawyer on earth that would sue them for me”.

Original, amusing humour

The comedy goes from strength to strength in the first hour peeking with the amusing “The Internet is for Porn” and the downright hilarious sex scene between Princeton and Kate Monster. A 15 minute intermission gives you the chance to grab a very small, very expensive bottle of beer before Act Two kicks off.

Although not as good as the first half, the second act does have its highlights including the “Schadenfreude” song and “I Wish I Could Go Back to College”. In the later the characters fantasise about going back to university but imagine what losers they would be on account of being older than everyone else. Themes touched on include racism (“Everyone’s a little bit racist”), homosexuality (“If you were gay”) and coming of age (“Purpose”). Each is tackled in an original and often eyebrow raising way.

All in all the production is great fun although at two hours long it does tend to run out of steam towards the end. The cast is brilliant, particularly porn-addict and recluse Trekkie Monster, whose love of the internet provides a running joke. Not for the squeamish or the very young as full-puppet nudity and swearing are very much part and parcel of the Avenue Q experience.

Tickets range from £10, which will get you a seat on the 3^rd floor balcony, to £26 which grants you access to the stalls directly in front of the scene.  Avenue Q is currently being staged at Wyndham’s Theatre, Charing Cross Road, London.

Tickets can be purchased here or at the box office if you get there early enough.

Swiss-born Noémie Ducimetière wooed the crowd with her French songs. Photo credit: Kathrine Anker

“Do I have to sing the same song again…? For fuck’s sake!” Those were the words with which a baffled Noémie Ducimetière stumbled on stage after winning the 2010 Rhythm of London Busking competition.

The 22 year old Swiss-native beat eight other local bands (including Will and the People, who have been showcased before on the site) last Sunday at the Shoreditch Festival. She will receive an official Transport for London Busking license, studio time at Wendyhouse Productions with a leading producer and sound engineer, and a performance slot at the Bedford, an important stage for upcoming bands.

French-speaking Ducimetière chatted with The First Pint about her experiences with music and London, coming to the city when she was only nine, and what’s next in store for her.

When did you become a musician?

My dad’s been a very big influence in my music taste. He used to play me Tom Waits when I was a baby. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t really like music. I remember listening to Erik Satie for the first time and deciding that’s what I wanted to do with my life. He’s a French classical composer. And there has been a keyboard in our apartment forever and basically all my life I’ve always been around it. I can’t remember when I started writing; I’ve always liked it, basically.

Why did you decide to sing in French here in London?

It’s not about why, I just love the tunes. They’re beautiful tunes. And I happen to speak French so I want to sing it. And I can sing! So why not? [laughs]

Do you do anything on the side?

I’ve got a band called the Gentle Mystics. We played Glastonbury a couple of weeks ago. It’s a nine- piece band and it’s very hard to keep everyone in the same place and at the same time. This year we’ll only have played once as a full band. But we still carry on and manage to stay together.

You’re a musician full-time?

That’s what I want to do, yeah. Lately, that’s what I’ve been doing. My boyfriend/fiancée is managing me and doing a very good job of it.

What’s your favourite place in London?

I really like the river, anywhere along the river I really like it. Really far west around the river, around Kew [Gardens], it’s very beautiful. There’s old pirate ships half sunken and stuff.

Where are you based in London?

Hackney Wick, it’s one of my favourite areas in London. But it’s about to get fucked up the arse because of the Olympics.

What is your first memory of when you came here?

I went to a Catholic school and it was very different to everything I knew. I remember getting really into religion somehow for some reason and then coming out of it.

Learning the language took me a few years. I remember pretending to my dad that I could speak English. When he was all the way across the room and it was my fourth day and he had come to pick me up and I was pretending to be talking to my classmate and I was mouthing really fast so that my dad could think that I could talk really well.

I was very homesick but now I’ve grown to love it. Definitely want to keep moving, there’s lots of places to see.

What’s the next step for you?

I want to make a film in animation. I want to smash it with music. I want to inspire people, make them happy and make myself happy while I’m at it.

The First Pint would like to congratulate Noemie and wish her success for the future. You can check out more of her music on her MySpace page or check out her other band, the Gentle Mystics.

When the penis is mightier than the sword. Photo credit: Alexey Plutser

Life in Russia, as you might have already guessed from my rants, is no walk in the park, at least for the common man. Even when we’re not fighting the bloodiest war in history or staging a revolution against whatever corrupt, unelected government that is lining its pockets with our taxes, the people of Russia have never really known the quiet life of prosperous Western countries. Save for the tiny elite, of course, who keep their money in Switzerland and kids in private schools in London.

But there’s one thing that we do really well: that’s sticking it to The Man in various creative ways. Radical political art in Russia has been flourishing since the early 90s. Here’s just a few examples that are internationally known:

A Brief Russian Art Protest History

In 1991 a group of young people who called themselves ETI (“THOSE”) lay on the Red Square, arranging their bodies in a big FUCK YOU (it’s three-letter word in Russia) in front of the Mausoleum before being arrested.

Nine years later, before the elections to the third State Duma (Russian parliament), another group ascended the Mausoleum itself with a white banner saying AGAINST ALL.

The 'Against All' action itself lasted about 20 seconds, but its glory prevails. Photo credit: Andrey Stvolinsky

To put it in proper political context, it was the third ever instance that the people of Russia were allowed to vote after literally hundreds of years of being told to just shut up and work – and they technically had the option to just say “You know what – screw the lot of you”. They could vote against all the parties and if the number was bigger than that of the candidates, the whole election would be recalled, with none of the participating parties allowed to take part in the new one. Yours truly was in the 1999 “Against All Parties” campaign, where in the next election 600,000 more people voted thusly, and in 2006 the ‘Against All’ option was abolished from the bulletins.

This obvious lack of political choice was exchanged for a brief period of relative stability, with even some hints of ‘normal European’ life with mortgages, Toyota Lancers, trendy cafes and other things that only begin to matter once you don’t have to stand in a queue for food for three hours or live in permanent fear of becoming collateral in a gang war. Coincidentally, most radical art degenerated into piles of pretentious shit that you had to pretend to ‘understand’ because you’ve got an office job and you want to impress colleagues and your girlfriend with your cultural prowess.

The Angry Russian Phallus

But then it became apparent that nothing had really changed, and the content and satisfied life was still an illusion. Scratch the surface – and you still saw a country on the verge of hunger riots, with an incredibly corrupt and ineffective government on all levels and, as of recently, rising religious fundamentalism . The correct artistic response? To draw a gigantic penis.

Russian radical artist: if you see him, cross the street. Photo credit: Maja Kucova

The collective behind the most hilarious and ballsy artistic stunt is called Voina, or War, and they’re also behind the recent rise of radical political action that seems to draw much more attention than conventional protests which inevitably end in everybody being batoned down and arrested. Well, of course, you also can’t expect courteous treatment from the police when you paint a massive penis on a drawbridge that faces the windows of the most powerful law enforcement agency, but still the latter definitely gets your point across much better than standing on a square with placards. Alexey Plutser, the group’s ideologist and spokesperson, says: “What we are doing is not trying to communicate with the power. We are just shoving a dick in its face. A dick that is 65 meters tall, 23 meters wide and weighs about 400,000 tonnes.”

You can’t talk to the power rationally, Plutser adds, because it will just drown anything you say in lies and propaganda. But how can you deface a 65m tall penis? Or run a smear campaign against people who participated in a political orgy called “Fuck for the Little Bear, the heir!” (a pun on the name of Russia’s president; “medved” means “bear)?

An overview of Voina’s coolest performances with YouTube videos can be found here. Naturally, they keep being arrested and every member of the group faces several charges of public indecency, disturbance etc. ‘Human rights’ is a very rarely used phrase in Russia. You mess with a cop, even a mall one – you get beaten up, that’s it.

Europe meets Voina

But when Voina extended their artistic and social experiment to Europe, that’s where it got really interesting. One of their latest performances is titled ‘Revolution in a supermarket’. They wander into a large supermarket and just start eating stuff off the shelves. When the security people approach, Voina tells them that they are poor and homeless and they need to eat something otherwise they die of hunger. Thus they test the level of social cohesion and empathy in each country and simultaneously protest against the community-destroying advance of soulless superstores. This happened all over Europe to vastly different results. The most violent and abusive reactions were, naturally, in Russia and Ukraine, while in a Sainsburys here in London nobody even raised an eyebrow. Probably they are reasonable enough to understand that even if a whole regiment of crazy Russian performance artists descends on their store and starts stuffing themselves with discounted chicken tikkas, it still won’t even put a dent on the amount of food the store just throws away every day. Or they just don’t care.

Would you like to see Voina in your local supermarket? Photo credit: Voina

But there was one episode that really, really fucked up everybody’s perception of Western Europe as a calm, safe and human rights-conscious place. There is a town in Dutch-speaking Belgium called Leuven. There, Plutser and his wife Yana were not only violently interrupted duruing their ‘homeless and hungry Russian immigrant’ act – they were detained and, wait for it, escorted to a judge at gunpoint while handcuffed. They are now charged with robbery and facing eight months in jail and being subjected to the worst Kafkaesque bureaucratic nightmare imaginable. All of this for eating a couple of sandwiches.

So this is basically a letter of support to them. Come on Belgium, seriously! Don’t mess with Angry Russians who are also radical performance artists. Something tells me you have worse problems with real immigrants to worry about.

The 1-2-3-4 Festival 2009

Just in case you missed the new indie bands getting Pitchfork in a frenzy at Camden Crawl—1-2-3-4 is here to save the day.

July will herald in the third annual 1-2-3-4 Shoreditch Festival. The one day festival on 24 July will present the best of the new underground music scene across four staple Shoreditch bars and venues.

Headlining this year’s line-up are These New Puritans, Wavves, Vivian Girls, and We Have Band along with Dum Dum Girls, Drum Eyes, and Autotratz. And with tickets at just £15, it’s a great little-sister festival to Camden Crawl for those who want some of the best live music of 2010 without bank-breaking costs.

The Southend-On-Sea fourpiece These New Puritans are causing the loudest 1-2-3-4 stir. Their first album Beat Pyramid was released in 2008 and their 2010 sophomore album Hidden is drawing comparisons to the NME’s latest drool-inducers Foals, Egyptian Hip Hop and The Horrors. Using a wide range of instruments including bassoons and taiko drums, their live shows sparked their notoriety as they blend hip-hop, synth, pop, and classical music.

While Shoreditch may be the borough for music in London, in New York it’s Brooklyn. The all female three-piece Vivian Girls are the latest in a long list of successful Brooklyn exports. Similar to fellow headliners Wavves and Dum Dum Girls, the trio began their career opening for Sonic Youth and Jay Reatard with their smart fusion of lo-fi/indie with a punk kick-ass girl band mantra. Their first single “Wild Eyes” quickly became an underground hit in 2008 and their second album Everything Goes Wrong was released in 2009. Current popular songs include single “Where Do You Run To” and “Tell The World.”

Wavves is the stage name for San Diego’s noise pop musician Nathan Williams. His self-titled LP was highly praised in 2008 by Pitchfork Media and ABC News thanks to a swift and heavy online following. Although previously performing with Ryan Ulsh, Williams now plays with former Jay Reatard band members Billy Hayes (Drums) and Stephen Pope (Bass). With Reatard’s bandmates jumping on board to back Williams while still an underground indie sprout, he must have some potential.

Artists will be performing at Electricity Showrooms, Hoxton Square Bar & Kitchen, The Slaughtered Lamb, and The Black Heart—with after parties to follow at 333/ Mother, Old Blue Last, Cocomo, Catch, and Bar Music Hall. It’s practically a guided tour of Shoreditch hot spots for those still unaware of how to navigate London’s current ‘it’ area for music.

Another great product from Cincopa Send Files. Cincopa video hosting solution for your website.

The first Saturday of July saw people of all sizes, age and nationalities come out in support of the 40th year of the Gay Liberation Front (GLF), painting the streets of central London in vibrant rainbow hues. The Pride London Parade was the final culmination of a two week festival that celebrated alternate sexuality with pomp and splendour.

Pride London describes the GLF as a group of “radical queens, hippies, students and activists who brought LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) rights out into the open”.

Photo credit: Kathrine Anker

Revellers marched through the fashionable Baker Street, Oxford Street and Regent Street to reach Trafalgar Square, hooting, whistling, cheering and being cheered by the thousands who thronged the streets.

Such a riot of colours and umm..gay abandon surely challenges the ’stiff upper lip’ stereotype attached to London town!

Happy Canada Day everybody! Photo credit: Ian Muttoo

Canadians! Yeah, all you ex-pat Canucks (and friends)…remember epic Molson commercial from a few years back?
Best beer commercial ever composed, that is. Enough to bring a tear to the eye and pull the heart strings toward the True North Strong and Free, isn’t it?

From my chats and travels about London town, it seems to be fairly common for expats to exhibit an above-average level of national pride when away from home.  If you’re a Canadian and made it down to Covent Garden’s Maple Leaf pub for the gold medal men’s Olympic hockey game this February, you’d know what this feels like.  It was chaos – some uncharacteristic and unabashed national pride, all concentrated in one tiny booze hub.  It was grand.

Well, compatriots – and friends – have I got news for you;  there’s more where that came from!

If you’re lucky enough to be away from our Home and Native Land for our Great Dominion’s 143rd birthday, fear not.  There is set to be an igloo-load of fun activities going on in London for Canada Day.

Trot yourself – preferably by dogsled or canoe – down to Trafalgar Square ’round about 10:30am.  We’ll be singing Oh Canada, drinking some Tim Horton’s – yes, that’s right TIM HORTON’S COFFEE, and chillin’ with a bunch of Mounties.  Sleeman’s beer. Bison Burgers. Iced capps and Okanagan wine.  Naturally, a large amount of poutine will round out this quintessential national fare.

The puck will be dropped at 1030 by the Canadian High Commissioner himself, kickstarting a day-long street hockey tournament. Bring your spirit and your red-and-whites.

Want more info? Check here.  Suffice it to say, though, that in the evening, such Canadian super stars as Sarah Harmer, Hawksley Workman and Jully Black will be taking the stage for a show that is set to put everyone south of the 49th parallel to shame.

Hope to see you there.

In the mean time, get warmed up with this:

London's financial sector fear a cap will damage the economy. Photo: Dimitry B

The coalition government have finally rolled out details of the Conservative cap on immigration with a temporary limit to be put in place from July 16th. From mid-July, the number of skilled migrant workers coming into the U.K. will be cut by 5% and the permanent cap will come into effect in April 2011. The cap has caused controversy with many in the business sector fiercely opposed to what they say will be a cap on the country’s economic competitiveness. The First Pint found out more.

Immigration from Aoife Yourell on Vimeo.

Shoreditch Festival 2010 will be held in Shoreditch Park all weekend

This year will mark the Shoreditch Trust’s ninth annual Shoreditch Festival from July 16-18. The free, cultural festival is designed to highlight the arts in East London in a family-friendly atmosphere.

Taking place in Shoreditch Park, the three-day weekend will feature music, art, literature, film, and culinary arts emerging from the lively postcodes of Hackney.

Kicking off the festival at 7:30 on Friday is Proms in the Shoreditch Park, featuring the Royal Philarharmic Orchestra and a fireworks finale.

Saturday from 1-7pm will feature a yet-to-be-announced line up of live music and festival acts. With numerous stages supporting dance, literature, and performers there will surely be plenty to entertain. Barbican films will be shown on a big screen and a children’s activities will also be available. The curious promise of a Shoreditch Bark Dog Show is also included and that alone might be enough to tempt east-london dwellers to the park on Saturday.

The weekend will conclude with World in Motion day Sunday. Sponsored by the Shoreditch Trust, the Barbican Centre, and Guildhall School of Drama and Music–the day has been organized by young people and will include live music, fashion, dance, and film from 1-7pm.

It’s unbeatable price of free along with ample entertainment and promises of food, music, and dog barking makes the Shoreditch Festival worth checking out–especially if you are already a lover of all things Shoreditch.

Crocodile Spring roll anyone? Photo: Deus Florida

There are an estimated three hundred thousand South Africans living in London and like most ex-pat communities they have made their own cultural contribution to the city. There are several South African bars, restaurants and shops dotted across the capital which means ex-pats can always indulge in some home comforts. The First Pint spoke to some of those offering a home away from home.

Gerry Knotze, Johannesburg native, has been in London for over five years and is managing director of the restaurants Vivat Bacchus. Famous for its well-stocked wine cellars and popular with city workers, the restaurants offer up modern British food with a South African twist. I spoke to Gerry about some of the more traditional dishes on the menu.

If you like the sound of the South African menu check Vivat Bacchus and The Savanna’s websites for restaurant and shop locations.